Ilan knows how to use words to get Nathan angry. Nathan, being the strongest of the two, hits Ilan.
The boys are playing soccer. Ilan says that the goal that Nathan scored doesn't count. Nathan gets very angry and hits Ilan.
I call Nathan aside and try to reason with him. Nathan, I say, you cannot hit every time someone upsets you! You must find other ways to cope!
For example, if Ilan says that the goal doesn't count, in what ways can you react?
Nathan – I can hit him!
Me – no! I am asking in what way can you react other than hitting! For example, is there something you can say to him?
Nathan looks at me questioningly...
Me – you can say, for example – yes, it does count! - And he’ll say – no! – and you’ll say – yes!
Nathan smiles, apparently enjoying the idea.
Me – and if someone tells you that you’re stupid, how can you react?
Nathan – I can hit him!
Me – no! I am asking – what can you say or do, other than hitting!
Nathan – I can say – you are stupid! You are fat! You are ugly!
Me (pleased) – good. And if someone tells you that you can’t read, what can you tell him?
Nathan – I can hit him!
Me (frustrated) – no, no! Not hitting! What can you do other than hitting!...
After a few more rounds of this, Nathan, who is not at all a ‘hitter’ in school, asks me, perplexed – if I am not supposed to hit in any situation, why is there such a thing as ‘hitting’???
aba david, 30/10/10
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